So Many Styles Forum

Feel free to leave comments and share your feedback. Women, email me at drstyles@somanystyles.com with your questions about men.

Dear Dr. Styles,

I am recently out of a 2 1/2 year relationship. I want to get back out on the dating scene however I have been out of the game for a while. In fact my dating skills are a little rusty. I am cool on the club scene but I would still like to meet someone. Any suggestions on scouting out the opposite sex without hitting a bar?

-Lonely Beauty in Sacramento

Hello Lonely Beauty,

It’s very hard to just go out with the intentions of meeting someone compatible to date. Personally, if you are just out of a long relationship, I’d advise that you take some time to yourself to sort out your own personal feelings and emotions. Until you get to a point where you are happily single, it will be hard to be happy in a relationship. Use this as an opportunity to evaluate your last relationship and what you’ve learned about yourself. Think about what you want, don’t want, what you’ll accept or not. Think what you did well and what things you could have done better. Usually there are two sides to a story after a split and the other side is always wrong. But maybe there were things you both did that you could have done better, been more patient about, or applied more understanding. Be honest with yourself in your evaluation.

As far as meeting men, I always feel that the best way to meet people is doing the everyday things we do. I have met some really interesting people catching transit to work, at the grocery store, sitting in a park, eating lunch, shucks even church, don’t sleep. Basically if you’re happy and approachable, men will see your glow and show interest in you. Feel free to develop platonic friendships with men that you think are really cool. Many times, good guys run in packs, and he may have a really nice friend that’s interested in you. That’s a good way to pre-screen them also. In all, just keep doing what you do and if someone is supposed to be in your life, they will become apparent.

Dr. Styles

Feel free to leave comments and share your feedback. Women, email me at drstyles@somanystyles.com with your questions about men.

Dear Dr. Styles,

The REY in my life aka MC Yaps A LoT has decided to start a fan club, for himself. Now when I see his Myspace page I get to see all sorts of half-naked women posting I LOVE YAPPY!!!! In all sorts of interesting positions on their bodies. I do not want to be the crazy girlfriend, but it makes me want to design a yappy doll and poke the eyeballs out! What is a REINA to do when her man gets a fan club?

Sincerely,

Big . eyed . luscious . lipped . angela

Thanks for this question Reina. This is a problem that is near and dear to my heart because my last girlfriend did not appreciate my DJ Styles Myspace site either. Gentlemen such as myself and MC Yappy use a medium like Myspace as a business tool to market and promote ourselves. Your man’s love for you is not diminished by the fans displaying their love for Yappy. What type of entertainer would your man be if he had no fans? As entertainers we have to use everything we got to achieve our lifelong goals and dreams. In fact it is our intense passion that attracts people to us in the first place. So if we use our charisma, charm, good looks, or whatever to sell ourselves, it’s all business and we are our own products. If Will Smith, Boris Kodjo, or Brad Pitt was your man, would you be mad because most of the women in the free world loved your man too? Or would you appreciate that those fans are paying the bills to support your man’s work and your lifestyle. Granted, Yappy or I probably won’t be paying your bills, but if we achieve our dreams and you are our woman then I’m sure you’ll benefit.

Unfortunately, a site like Myspace gets a bad rap. I have learned recently that all types of women snoop, spy, and keep tabs on everything their man, or men they’re interested in are doing on Myspace. Read the rest of this entry »

I apologize for taking a summer and fall hiatus from the So Many Styles Forum. I have been wrapped up with life, love, and relationships, which is the theme of this new installment. I call it Ask Dr. Styles? and I plan to give advice to women on relationships from a man’s perspective. For years I have talked with many of my female friends and they have greatly enjoyed my advice and insights into the minds of men, as well as I have benefited from their experiences. Unfortunately, men and women seem to think and approach relationships from completely different perspectives. I have watched far too many female friends beat themselves over the head because the new guy they’ve been seeing for two weeks hasn’t taken them out or called back yet. I’ve counseled women who’ve dated married men or couldn’t muster the strength to leave their trifling lovers. I’ve counseled many and dealt with my share of relationships through the years, good and bad. From my experiences I have become an expert on what men want in relationships and I’m here to share my insights with you.

Feel free to leave comments and share your feedback. Please email me directly at drstyles@somanystyles.com with new questions and topics. I will address a new topic each week.

So here’s my first question:

Dear Dr. Styles,

Here’s the problem. I think I’m a fairly attractive, professional sista. I’m pretty funny, responsible, a home owner, graduate degree… whatever I touch figuratively speaking turns to gold. I’ve been successful at accomplishing every goal I’ve set out to achieve except one. I don’t know how to do relationships. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me “How come you’re single???” I’d be hobnobbing with Gates, Trump and the like. I think I have a delightful personality and have no problem attracting men, but they don’t seem to want to stay around for the long haul. The love spending time with me, but don’t want to be in a “serious relationship” with me… What gives?

Signed,
Sleepless in San Francisco.

Well Dear Sleepless,

You seem to be a really fly, well put together, very accomplished sista. Unfortunately that is intimidating for many men. As a man, we all want to feel like we are the providers or are doing our part to take care of our woman. Unfortunately, many men would view a sista like you as someone who doesn’t need a man for anything. Sadly, popular perception among many men is that many successful sistas project a persona of “I don’t need a man.” This makes it hard or intimidating many times for some guys to approach a woman of this caliber. Women who expect men to approach them all the time must realize that men go through hundreds, if not thousands, of rejections in a lifetime. Through this jaundiced lens we learn to discern the women who look not interested before we approach them.

Another interesting development that happens is as sistas progress in status and earn extra degrees, the eligible pool of men tends to decrease. I think there is a man out there that would love you like no other woman has been loved before, but you may not notice or pay attention to him. He may deliver your mail every day, or bag your groceries. He may not be Boris Kodjo, Tyrese, or Brad Pitt, and I understand we all set our standards high, Mariah ain’t hollered back at me yet either. But we all have to believe it’s someone out there for us, right?

Good Luck,

Dr. Styles

I want to send a big shot-out to all the Fathers like myself who are active, involved parents despite our Baby Mamas. Unfortunately my son’s mother has gone out here way to make my life hell. She has tried many times to get me to quit being a father to my son. She has withheld my son for months at a time, not let me see when I’ve went to pick him up, and even skipped town on several Father’s Day and his birthday without even telling me.

Believe me, it really makes a brotha want to throw up his hands and quit sometime. Despite her neagative actions, I truly love my son and cherish our time together. He brings a smile to my face when I’m not repeating the same old lessons to him over and over. It sucks that I have to take his mother to court just to be able to participate in my son’s life, but it is well worth it. I have spoke to many fathers are in my same shoes and I salute all of you who stick in there and don’t give up.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

I was just sitting here listening to KMEL’s moment of silence and then they came back playing that oldschool song, “This Is For My Homiest” and they got me fighting a losing battle to keep my eyes dry.

We all become numb to death and violence around us and overseas, but we are losing good people everyday. FOR NOTHING! That’s some really sad shit and we all need to do our part to make sure calmer heads prevail. These cowardly acts of killing people don’t just affect the people involved, it affects mothers, brothers, children, co-workers, and friends. Life ain’t no movie or video game and we don’t get do-overs. Only God has the  right to determine when we must die. Not some guy who doesn’t like the rag in your back pocket or is jealous because you have a nicer whip than them.

Last week a 14 year old boy was killed in Oakland after he recently buried his 16 year old brother. Reports said that when his mother arrived she collapsed and needed medical attention. My heart goes out to her and any other mother who has to go through this. I can not imagine how she could go on. Growing up in Oakland, I’ve seen many comrades die from senseless violence and known a few people who’ve grown up to be killers. We all need to stop and think. Take a timeout and STOP THE VIOLENCE!

REPOSTED From USA TODAY

SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP) — The former California college student known as the “Naked Guy,” who gained notoriety for attending class in the buff in the early 1990s, died of an apparent suicide while in jail, authorities said.

Andrew Martinez, 33, whose stripped-down campus strolls got him expelled from the University of California, Berkeley and prompted the famously liberal city to adopt a strict anti-nudity ordinance, was found dead Thursday in the Santa Clara County Main Jail, said jail spokesman Mark Cursi.

Martinez was found under his bed covers with a plastic bag cinched around his head, Cursi said. Officials are investigating the death as an apparent suicide.

Family and friends said Martinez struggled for years with mental illness. He spent the last decade bouncing among halfway houses, psychiatric institutions, occasional homelessness and jail, without ever getting comprehensive treatment, his family said.

On Jan. 10, he was arrested after a fight at a halfway house where he was living and was being held on two counts of battery and one count of assault with a deadly weapon, authorities said.

Martinez was housed in a maximum security area and was last seen alive around 11 p.m. Wednesday during a routine cell check, Cursi said.

He was found about 20 minutes later when other prisoners reported hearing unusual sounds from his cell. He was pronounced dead a short time later.

Bryan Schwartz, Martinez’s best friend, said the man who died in the jail cell hardly resembled the former high school star defensive lineman and straight-A student who charmed peers with his laid-back, kindhearted nature and penchant for non-conformity.

“Everyone loved him. He was warm, positive, brilliant. He was a math whiz even though he barely studied,” Schwartz said. “All the girls were asking him to the prom.”

In 1992, Martinez organized a “nude-in” protest at the university’s main plaza. He said he was trying to make a point about free expression at the birthplace of the 1964 Free Speech Movement.

“What I am getting out here is there’s a lot of social control going on here,” he told the crowd at the nude-in.

The message caught on and nude spottings spiked on campus. Martinez, whose naked notoriety landed him on national television talk shows, was expelled the following year after the university rewrote its dress code to ban nudity.

Martinez also became the first person arrested under the Berkeley city ordinance, adopted in July 1993, after he and some of his supporters showed up at a City Hall meeting in the buff. He pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor charge and got two years of probation.

Martinez had been trying to write a book about his experiences when he became gripped by his mental illness, but even that couldn’t completely quash his charisma and generous spirit, his family said.

“I’d send him stuff in jail and he’d give it all away because he knew that so many people there have nothing — no one to visit them, send them things, fight for them,” his mother, who asked not to be named, told the San Francisco Chronicle.

The last time she saw her son was three weeks ago, when she visited him in jail.

“He was sad. He was tired. He said he had had enough,” she said. “I alerted everyone, but nothing happened.”

Me and My Mom

Moms are the most precious thing in God’s creation. Of all the things we can do in life, the ability to give life eclipses them all. Mother’s bonds with their children begin at inception and never end when the umbilical cord is cut. Mother’s intuition is always right, isn’t it?

I would like to thank my mother and all the mother’s that have made a contribution in my life. From church women, to aunts, grandmothers, my friend’s mothers, my personal friends, and even my son’s mother. (Notice I didn’t say baby mama.) My mother is an amazing woman who has set a very high example of what I should look for in a woman. Proverbs 31:10 asks “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” After watching my parents recently celebrate their 34th wedding anniversary, she definitely is that. Anyone who’s ever met me and thought I was cool cat should meet my mama, because I get it from her. And to all the people who’ve complimented me on my radiant smile, thank my mother for getting a job with a good orthodontic plan and breaking bread for me to look good. I love you Mom.

My mother has been a nurturer, caretaker, friend, confidante, cheerleader, supporter, and financier. :~) When I have doubts, just hearing her say “it’s gone be alright” is enough to soothe and placate me. I have learned through the years to respect my Mom’s judgment, because the women she didn’t like weren’t good anyway. My Mom has no problem telling me when I’m wrong and telling me to do better. Although my relationship with my son’s mother is very strained, she has been adamant that I act right when I felt like being mean, spiteful, or trifling. As a mother she has a bond with my sons mother and likes and respects her for what she does. She doesnt take sides, even when Im raging mad, upset, hurt, or damn near defeated and that makes me respect her very much. She definitely makes me a better man with her sage guidance. As a father, I notice that Im clearly No. 2 with my son when it comes to his Mama. I have learned to cherish and respect that fact, because he’s a Mama’s Boy just like me. So to my son’s mother, I respect that you are a great mother to my son and I wish her and all of you a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Reposted from the East Bay Express

Tapes ‘n’ Tapes
Surveying the latest hyphy-friendly Bay Area mixes.
By Eric K. Arnold
Article Published Apr 12, 2006

In a recent conversation with Impereal of the Demolition Men, the mix-tape guru agreed that the local mix scene’s development played an instrumental role in the emergence of Hyphy: The Movement. Increasingly Bay-centric local mixes serve both the indie rappers and labels and the listeners; from your perspective, the mix tape basically a compilation with a concept may well represent the best bang for your buck, should you consider yourself hyphy and/or thizzin’.
Here’s a rundown on the Bay’s latest mix sensations.

Demolition Men
Best of the Bay 2005 Recap Pts. 1 & 2 (MySpace.com/demolitionmenmusic)
Overview: Two CDs with 49 tracks of straight slump everything you would expect from Impereal and Devro, who keep knock on lock around the clock. Part 1 features many of the celebrated slaps that made 2005 the hyphiest year in Yay Area history: San Quinn & EA-Ski’s “Hell Yeah” (featuring Mr. Ski’s finest turn on the mic ever), Balance’s “Gotta Get It,” Dem Hoodstarz’ “Getz Ya Grown Man On,” and Zion-I’s “The Bay” remix, significant in that it unites the 415, 510, and 707 area codes. Part 2 gets props not only for familiar favorites like Mistah F.A.B.’s “Super Sic wid It” and Bailey’s “Fuck Yo Couch,” but also such underground hard targets as Sean T. & Biaje’s “Dat Bump” and EA-Ski & Too $hort’s “Check the Resume.”
Most Inspired Moment: The Team’s “Just Go” (Pt. 1); San Quinn’s “The Bay Is in the Area” (Pt. 2).

Least Inspired Moment: When you realize how sore your head, neck, and back feel the morning after.

Why Is It Stunna-Worthy? It’s got everything you need to turn your scraper into a chariot suitable for gas-break-dipping and turning tight ones. Shout-outs, machine-gun sound FX, and plenty of scratching up the intensity way past crunk.

Does It Include E-40’s Smash Hit “Tell Me When to Go”? Hell motherfuckin’ yeah.

Best Suited For: Those with fully updated collision insurance.

Poignant Observation: If you lay both CDs next to each other, they form a montage of Bay Area rap celebrities with two microphones and the Golden Gate Bridge in the background something you wish you’d see on a KMEL billboard.

Hyphy factor: 9.8

DJ B Cause & Ross Hogg
Slump & Grind Vol. 2 (4OneFunk.com)
Overview: Besides the requisite megamix intro, there are no real bells & whistles, just a connoisseur-style selection of recent rumpus-inducing Bay shit. Plenty of big hits repeat on other comps, but nice surprises sneak in the mix like the Team’s “Show Me Your Nasty.”

Most Inspired Moment: DJ Shadow, Keak da Sneak, and Turf Talk’s “Three Freaks,” wherein Josh Davis navigates Rick Rock territory.

Least Inspired Moment: The nondescript cover photo of the Bay Bridge is a little misleading, given the magnanimous boasting of the songs therein.

Why Is It Stunna-Worthy? No less than four tracks featuring Turf Talk, dummy.

Does It Include “Tell Me When to Go”? Yupper.

Best Suited For: Newcomers and casual hyphy aficionados who enjoy listening at home as well as in the scraper.

Poignant Observation: The late, great Mac Dre is twice paid tribute, with his humorously self-aggrandizing “Me Da Mac” and ode to ’80s electro, “Dredio.”

Hyphy Factor: 8

DJ Styles
The Scrapulation, Vol. 1 (MySpace.com/DJStyles)
Overview: Styles’ ambitious effort attempts a historical context for the hyphy movement, and hits more than it misses. The wide-ranging disc covers such ubiquitous Yay anthems as the Team’s “It’s Getting Hot” remix, Casual’s “In the Whip,” and Balance’s “Right There,” digs up classics by RBL Posse, Spice 1, 11/5 and Richie Rich, and places Mystic Journeymen’s “Next Stop Oakland” immediately following Baby Ray’s “Nothing Like the Town.”

Most Inspired Moment: 3xKrazy’s “Hit the Gas,” featuring a young Keak da Sneak.

Least Inspired Moment: Hammer’s “Ring ‘Em” seems more suited for dancing the Running Man in genie pants than ghost-riding the whip.

Why Is It Stunna-Worthy? You can’t really argue with Pooh Man’s “Fucking wit Dank,” a dinosaur from 1990 that’s still funky sixteen years later.

Does It Include “Tell Me When to Go”? Fa sho dat.

Best Suited For: People who watch the History Channel.

Poignant Observation: In retrospect, the carnival-like melody on the Luniz’ “Ice Cream Man” sounds like Droop-E on Vicodin.

Hyphy Factor: 6.5

Various: Thizz Radio
Volume One (ThizzWorld.net)
Overview: If Thizz Entertainment programmed its own radio station, it’d sound something like this 23 tracks of hastily assembled exclusive freestyles and previously unreleased stuff you won’t find anywhere else, possibly with good reason.

Most Inspired Selection: “O.A.K.,” featuring F.A.B., BMR, Geezy, and G-Stack reprising Too $hort’s version of Donny Hathaway’s “The Ghetto.”

Least Inspired Selection: “Golden Shower Up,” on which the usually appealing Keak da Sneak expresses his desire to heap abuse and streams of fresh urine on hoodrats R. Kelly-style, adding I don’t give a fuck. As Dan Savage would say, thanks for sharing.

Why Is It Stunna-Worthy? It’s underground, raw, violent, and frequently hella ig’nant.

Does It Include “Tell Me When to Go”? Nope.

Best Suited For: People who’ll buy anything with Mac Dre’s face on it.

Poignant Observation: Thug Radio would’ve been a more appropriate title.

Hyphy Factor: 5

DJ Backside
Got Bay? 3 (DJBackside.com)
Overview: Yay Areaaaaaa!!! Ya gurl Backside represents one mo’ ‘gin with the follow-up to her classic Got Bay? 2. This time, “your nephew” Turf Talk hosts, and the excellent track selection features F.A.B.’s “Metros & Chirpers,” Balance and EA-Ski’s “It Is What It Is,” and Turf Talk & Hoodstarz’ “Bullshit.”

Most Inspired Moment: Backside’s exclusive “Turf Talk Mega Mix.”

Least Inspired Moment: Actually, the whole damn disc is fairly inspired.

Why Is It Stunna-Worthy? The inclusion of Keak’s “Super Hyphy Hyphy Hyphy Hyphy,” which makes it four times as hyphy as other mix tapes.

Does It Include “Tell Me When to Go”? No, but you won’t miss it.

Best Suited For: The transition from turf to club.

Poignant Observation: If you ain’t got Bay, you might just be a zarc.

Hyphy Factor: 10

Mac Dre
Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game: In the Mix (ThizzWorld.net)
Overview: This mix was originally released in 1999 by DJ Mac G, DJ Smurf, and Young G of old-school (that is, pre-”Feelin’ Myself”) Mac Drizzle, featuring such Crestside classics as “Young Black Brotha,” “Too Hard for the Radio,” “California Livin’,” “Stupid Doo Doo Dumb,” and “Hoes Love It.”

Most Inspired Moment: Dre yelps Yee! on “Nothin’ Correctable,” presaging the current popularity of the catchphrase by several years.

Least Inspired Moment: The super-boring cover artwork, which probably cost a quarter to design.

Why Is It Stunna-Worthy? C’mon, cuddie, that’s a stupid doo doo dumb question.

Does It Include “Tell Me When to Go?” No, but it has “Love That Donkey.”

Best Suited For: Listeners of distinction who appreciate the classics.

Poignant Observation: Probably 75 percent of the people wearing Mac Dre “Romp in Peace” T-shirts never listened to him when he was alive; here’s their chance to go back and catch up.

Hyphy Factor: 8

Danny Dee
The Bay: We Fresh, hosted by Dem Hoodstarz (MySpace.com/DannyDeez)
Overview: Several freestyle segments by East Palo Alto’s finest intercede throughout this superlative mix, featuring all the current hot shit from Cutthroat Committee, Mak & AK, Black & Brown, Mistah FAB, Skyballa, and Doey Rock.

Most Inspired Moment: Yukmouth’s “Moment of Silence” for Mac Dre perhaps the only time in recent memory Yuk has, in fact, been silent.

Least Inspired Moment: When you have to Q-Tip your ears vigorously after listening to all 44 tracks.

Why Is It Stunna-Worthy? This mix contains many cuts not found on other tapes, like E-40’s “Pussy Niggas” and a roguish remix of Dem Hoodstarz’ “Grown Man” featuring heavy hitters F.A.B., Clyde Carson, San Quinn, and Turf Talk.

Does It Include “Tell Me When to Go”? Ritt, ritt, mane.

Best Suited For: Scrape-aholics and full-time ballas who getz they grown man on.

Poignant Observation: The hyphy movement is far deeper than anyone could have imagined.

Hyphy Factor: 9.5

Yahdidabooboo.

Repost from Yahoo Launch

R. Kelly’s Not So Brotherly Love

03/23/2006 3:48 PM, E! Online
Sarah Hall

R. Kelly’s brother, Carey, believes he can’t lie.

The “Trapped in the Closet” singer’s younger sibling has released a low-budget DVD on which he accuses his brother of trying to get him to commit perjury, according to MTV News.

According to Carey Kelly, his brother wanted him to take the fall by claiming that he was actually the star of the infamous sex tape that prompted child-pornography charges against R. Kelly.

On the DVD, released Tuesday, Carey Kelly alleges that his more famous brother offered him $50,000, a house and a record contract if he would agree to testify that he appeared on the tape, but that he turned the offer down because he did not want to lie.

“I got a call about a year and a half ago,” Carey claims on the DVD, produced by Drahma Magazine. “My brother wanted me to do some s–t pertaining to this case that would leave me behind bars with a record deal. It doesn’t make sense, so I turned it down.

“Since I couldn’t lie for him in a court of law, we’re back to beefing again, and we ain’t brothers no more.”

The rumor that R. Kelly planned to finger his look-alike brother as the star of the sex tape first circulated several years back, but the R&B star’s lawyers denied that the ploy was part of their defense strategy.

Carey Kelly also claims that his brother beats his wife, Andrea; tried to molest their other brother’s daughter; molested their 12-year-old second cousin; and–oh yeah–that he’s bisexual.

“He trapped in the closet for real,” Carey Kelly said in a radio interview with New York’s Hot 97.

A spokesperson for R. Kelly declined to comment on the allegations, beyond calling them “ridiculous.”

“This is not the first time Carey has made ridiculous accusations against his brother,” the spokesperson told MTV News. “We’re not going to dignify them with a comment.”

Though Carey Kelly claims all of his allegations can be proven, his own credibility isn’t the strongest, seeing as he was recently released from prison on theft charges. He also openly holds a grudge against his brother, whom he claims owes him royalties for his contributions to several tracks on the 1993 album 12 Play.

For his part, R. Kelly has pleaded innocent to the charges against him.

His case continues in a Chicago courtroom on Apr. 7.

Stop, before you all jump on me. This is a review of the new Mixtape by Bay Area underground Hip Hoppers, Kirby Dominant and Chris Sinister, aptly titled, “Niggaz and White Girlz.” This is easliy the most ambitious album out this year. They blend a mix of 80’s New Wave, Rock, Pop, and pure Hip Hop to take a look into the taboo subject of Black Men dating White Women. It is highly entertaining and almost reads like a lecture on the subject. Kirby told me they were just trying to be funny and do something different, but they struck a key nerve here with this album.

I know a number of sistas sitting around waiting for this mythical SuperBrother to come flying thru the air with his cape on, open doors, pay the rent, cook dinner and generally be enamored in that Babyface “Whip Appeal” type of way “as soon as we get home from work.” Well, why they’re sitting there, legs crossed and lonely, there is a brother trying something new with a White girl who “justs wants to have fun!”

Kirb and Chris analyze this phenomenom like two tenured professors. Musically it features classic beats from The Cure, The Smiths, Depeche Mode, The Family, Gary Numan, U2, and many more. Filled with many introspective skits and appearances by Z Man, Murs, Micah 9, and Andre Nickatina, they hit the mark here. Check their album out and join in the discussion.